the816

Just Say No

Possible side effects of Chantix, a smoking cessation drug:

• hostility
• agitation
• suicidal thoughts or actions
• anxiety
• panic
• mania
• abnormal sensations
• hallucinations
• paranoia
• rash, swelling, redness, and peeling of the skin
• swelling of the face, mouth, and throat
• a rash with peeling skin or blisters in your mouth
• nausea, sleep problems, constipation, gas, and/or vomiting
• trouble sleeping, vivid, unusual, or strange dreams

Possible side effects of smoking:

• cancer
• lung and heart disease
• looking really cool

Live. Every day.

Live every day as if it’s your first day free after a 20-year jail sentence.

Live every day as if there was no such thing as Jersey Shore.

Live every day, because if you don’t, you’re likely dead.

Live every day like some crazy Jason Statham movie. That’d be badass. And totally extreme.

Live every day as if it were yesterday. I’ll wait here while you clean up the brain bits since I just blew your mind.

Live every day as if it’s your last day free before a 20-year jail sentence.

Live every day like Taco Tuesday.

Live every day with the understanding that you’ll never be as good looking as Chad in accounting. No matter how many pushups you do.

Live every day with the misguided enthusiasm of a drunken college student on spring break in Cancun.

Psst. Hey, kid.

Hey. Yeah you. You wanna make some quick cash? Hows about you get off the Facebook and meet me in the alley in 15 minutes.

Saturday Night

John K. has a great summary of the Addy awards show. It’s always great to see the ridiculous amount of talent that exists in this city.

Oh, and I wanted to post this photo. You might assume we had won all those awards for looking so damn handsome. But no, it was for web stuff.

Can this pickle get more fans than Nickleback?

Yes. Obviously it can.

In case you have a life and don’t know what I’m talking about, please refer to this Facebook fan page which just passed one million fans.

Facebook fan pages have been mutated into a strange voting platform. Each time you log in, you’re presented with a choice like this framed in the following way:

“Your BFF and 51 other friends became fans of Can this pickle get more fans than Nickleback. Become a Fan?”

What kind of choice is this? Sure, I think Nickelback is a horrible band. Yes, I think it’d be great if a pickle had more Facebook fans. Also, it’s fantastic that 51 friends seem to feel the same way.

But the question is posed incorrectly. It should be more like this:

“Your BFF and 51 other friends has arbitrarily agreed to throw their nominal support behind an ineffectual cause based on the comedic value of the existence of such a choice. Would you like to do the same?”

So. Long post short. When the pickle gets more fans than Nickelback, is it a sad commentary on Nickelback, or a sadder commentary on Facebook fan pages?

People of Whom I am Jealous

• People with the ability to speak Spanish
• People who are great at chess, poker and pool
• Thin and/or tanned people
• People who effortlessly succeed at tasks I struggle with
• People who have read that book I’ve been meaning to read but haven’t found the time to
• People who have never been told that a bulleted list should never contain an even number of items

The Difference

As I alluded to in this post, Season and I have very different ideas about the amount of stuff we like to have around. I was in her room looking for something tonight and it cracked me up how astoundingly different our two offices look. I thought I’d compose this photo comparison. In case you’re wondering, my office is on the left.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Why do companies want you to be their fan on Facebook? So they can advertise to you. I don’t think anyone has any delusions to the contrary. Regardless, I’m still a fan of companies on Facebook because I’m interested in what they have to say or share when they’re not blatantly selling me something. A great example would be Boulevard Brewing Company. They post event info, behind-the-scenes videos and photos and all kinds of crap you’d be interested in if you were into your favorite local brewery.

The Pitch, however, is doing it all wrong. The Pitch is Kansas City’s free “alternative weekly.” I can understand their need to sell ad space, but they need to learn quickly that their Facebook news feed is not the place for ads. Just check out how some of their “fans” have responded so far.

It’s unfortunate that they’re selling ad space on Facebook. I realize that we all have to make money, but this is not going to work for them at all.

If anything, Facebook should be used to reinforce your brand. Remind your fans why they started being your fan in the first place. Don’t exploit their support by trying to cash in.

SO SAYETH THE816