February 2012
5 posts
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9 Exercises I Just Made Up
Calf Blasters
Lithuanian Squat Thrusts
Inverted Bear Rolls
Toe Crunches
Inappropriate Advances (Overhand Grip)
Seated Lunges
Metaphorical Jumping Jacks
Tongue Extensions
Beef Pulls
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I Think You’re Thinking of Back to Work
Why...
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January 2012
11 posts
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My Mission Statement (Initial Drafts)
Chris asks “What’s the worst that could happen?” And if the answer isn’t, “You’ll be eaten by bears” then he will do that thing.
Chris will provide effective business solutions that leverage consumer insights and then he will then eat some tacos and take a nap.
Chris is committed to the ongoing development of business relationships that result in free...
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karlfun asked: How and when do you listen to podcasts? (especially lengthy ones like that!) I've never gotten into them much, but maybe I'm doing it wrong.
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“If you dream of getting rock star parking in front of the restaurant, the only...”
– Stu Maschwitz - Filmmaker, photographer and writer. As heard on the Scruffy Thinking podcast.
I really love this analogy and this whole episode is one of the best conversations I’ve heard about doing what you love, and why that’s not as clean-cut as it sounds.
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Stereo Dipolomacy
The Issue:
I like the music a bit louder. She likes the music a bit softer. We’re at opposite ends of the couch. I have the bluetooth keyboard for the Mac that’s streaming the music. She has the remote to the A/V receiver that the Mac is hooked up to. Here is how the situation plays out in the framework of national politics.
I turn up the volume on the Mac. — A bill is introduced.
...
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Headlines That Made Me Think Gizmodo Writers Are...
My Eyes Orgasmed When I Saw the Samsung Super OLED TV
I Just Held the Future of PC Gaming in My Hands and It’s Called Project Fiona
Oh, Dancing Robot, Please Boogie Forevermore
Turning Your iPhone into a PSP Is Pretty Awesome
Is There Any Way ViewSonic’s $170 Ice Cream Sandwich Tablet Isn’t Terrible?
This BlackBerry Booth Makes Me Sad
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December 2011
3 posts
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Amish MacBooks - For Kids!
I’ve officially become the uncle who makes you presents instead of ponying up and buying the Wii you asked for. Luckily, My niece and nephew are young enough to be excited about whatever gifts they get. I have a couple more years before they realize that I’m co-opting my hobbies into gift-giving ideas.
I had seen something similar online and I really liked the concept. Also,...
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An Average Email Recipient List
If you work in an office and your particular office is technologically forward-thinking enough to use electronic mail, you undoubtedly receive too many emails. Most of them may have nothing to do with you, yet you still get them. Here’s an archetypal email recipient list that might help you gain some insight into why you got that email.
SUBJECT: Revised layouts for Project Big Deal SENDER:...
November 2011
7 posts
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“I must study politics and war, that my sons may have the liberty to study...”
– John Adams
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Project: Skinny Oak Table
The final home for this table will be behind the toilet in our bathroom. So rather than post pictures of my bathroom on the internet, I thought I’d take some photos of this one outside. You’re welcome.
The top was constructed exactly like I did my desk. The process is really simple and I love the look of it. Oh, and it’s a helluva lot cheaper than buying big slabs of oak. I...
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What Your Office Decorations Say About You
Less than ten concert posters: I really enjoy this band.
More than ten concert posters: I am in this band.
Anne Geddes poster of a baby dressed as a flower: I have ten more posters like this in my very pink bedroom.
Star Wars Action Figures: Uh, no idiot. Those are Star Trek action figures. I don’t even think I want to fix your computer now.
Liquor Bottles: I’ve reached a...
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Project: Oak and Metal Desk
I had been using the same $60 Best Buy particle board computer desk for the last decade. Since I spend way too many waking hours at my desk, I figured it was time to make myself a new one. I really liked this desk that I saw on Etsy and wanted to create something with the same industrial-ish look. So here’s what I came up with:
Here’s how it came together!
The main materials are...
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Better Options for Hulu's "Choose Your Ad...
Promise to buy a Dodge Ram and watch the Daily Show without commercial interruption.
Eat Doritos to skip Doritos commercials.
Listen to a 30-minute lecture about Outback Steakhouse and never see an ad again as long as you live.
Sacrifice a goat to Geico and watch any episode of Community.
Name your firstborn “Taco Bell” for a one-year free subscription to Hulu Plus.
October 2011
12 posts
The Ad Contrarian
Thanks to the lovely people at the AAFKC, I got to hear Bob Hoffman speak last night. Bob might be better known as The Ad Contrarian. He’s something of a high priest to chronically cynical people like myself. No one can call people out on their bullshit quite like this guy, and the ad business is packed tight with epic amounts of it.
This is such an crazy business that it’s really...
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Reasons Why I Typically "Heart", "Star", or "Like"...
I don’t really get the joke but I want other people to think that I am smart enough to get the joke.
I instinctually “like” anything with a cat in it.
This person is obviously having a bad day, this is my way of helping!
Accidentally hit the star icon, meant to hit the un-follow icon.
I just want to feel something. Anything.
I guess I’m just not tired of Sarah Palin...
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Rights You Didn't Know You Were Waiving By...
Apple can delete any Abba MP3s at any time for any reason.
Apple reserves the right to report all listening data to your mother.
Legally, you can only use iTunes on Thursdays.
iTunes Genius may make disparaging remarks about your poor taste.
Apple does not have to refund the cost of Creed albums you purchased while drunk.
So, this happened.
If you’re having one of those weeks, you might be tempted to ask, “How could this week possibly get even more messed up?” If you have my luck, the universe will accept this challenge and ramp up the weirdness.
My morning started out rather well. It took a weird turn when I took my dogs outside for our morning walk. There was an incredibly confused kid getting out of my car. It...
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Ways In Which My Life Has Changed Since Becoming...
People are starting to recognize me on the street and say things like, “Why are you laying on the street?”
Many local bars stopped charging me for ice.
My self-esteem has reached levels I haven’t experienced since puberty.
The city decided to change the name of Avenida Cesar E Chavez to Chris M Riebschlager Avenue.
Googling my name now shows more results for my blog, fewer...
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I'm Somebody!
I’m really honored and giddy as a schoolgirl to be part of The Pitch’s 2011 Best of Kansas City. The816 is now legally the best comedy blog in town until 2012. Wow. Thanks guys, I think you’re totally swell also.
Check it out at Pitch.com!
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Morbid Dessert Names
Death by Chocolate
Ethnic Cleansing Cobbler
Triple Murder/Suicide Apple Tort
Hunting Accident Cheesecake
Pineapple Upside-Down Asphyxiation
Genocidal Bundt Cake
WatchMe and the Pacific.
(The water was freezing.)
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What I Think the Lyrics to the Community Theme...
Give me some more diamond treats.
Give me a holster vitamin cream.
Somebody’s spayed, it could be her.
It could be molten, tied-up cheddar beer.
I can’t count the reasons I should stay.
One by one they all just fade away.
September 2011
4 posts
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Proposed Names For My Upcoming My Morning Jacket...
My Evening Sweater
His Midnight Pants
Our Midday Tank Top
Her 3 a.m. Hat
Your Lunchtime Shoes
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How to Tell the Difference Between Alligators and...
Alligators call elevators “lifts”
Crocodiles are almost always drunk
Alligators smell vaguely like Drakkar Noir
Most crocodiles have liberal arts degrees
Female alligators are bigger and sassier than the males
Crocodiles have a false sense of entitlement
Alligators put ketchup on everything
August 2011
7 posts
“It took me until my 40s to realize it: There’s no destination. There’s no...”
– Patton Oswalt
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Alternative Themes for This Year's TEDxKC...
Midwest iPad Owners Meetup
The One Guy in the Back Will Laugh Loudly to Let You Know He Really Understands That Joke
The People Speaking Today Have Done More With Their Lives Than You Ever Will, You Sad Sack of Crap
The Night Barnes & Noble was Severely Short-Staffed
Communiversity: Group Nodding and Muttered Verbal Approval
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Where Brands of Beer Are Most Likely to be Found...
Keystone Light - Trailer parks, state fairgrounds, survivalist compounds
Bud Light Lime - The Gulf of Mexico
Stella Artois - Liberal arts colleges, unemployed BFA graduate’s apartments
Pabst Blue Ribbon - Music festivals, newly gentrified urban neighborhoods
Michelob Ultra - Health club parking lots, yoga studios
Coors Light - Colorado highway ditches
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Least Popular Glade Plugins
Essence of Newark
Locker Room Mist
Limburger Breeze
Coffee Breath
Paper Mill Valley
Expired Medication Medley
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Generational Differences
Saw “Clerks” in a theater. / Saw “Clerks” playing on a TV at a 90s theme party.
Purchased “Nevermind” on cassette. / Has no idea Dave Grohl was in a band before Foo Fighters.
“Killed the music industry” by home taping. / “Killed the music industry” by downloading.
Played with a band in the garage. / Played with GarageBand.
Could...
July 2011
6 posts
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The Nine Circles of Internet Hell
People who posted photos of nearly every meal to Flickr
Those who never got the hang of your/you’re
Tea Party email-forwarding relatives
Anyone who ever posted a “FIRST!!!” comment
People who illegally downloaded Metallica albums
Facebook over-sharers
Employees of LowerMyBills.com
Social Media Ninjas and SEO Gurus
4chan