January 2010
24 posts
This is Not a 2000's Retrospective
Is a guy even qualified to examine an entire decade when he’s only lived through three of them? “Yes, the 2000’s were much better than the 1980’s, mostly because I could drive a car. Also I made out with far more girls in the 2000’s.”
Nope, I’m not even going to try it. Talk to me when I’m 60. Oh man, I’m going to have some good...
December 2009
18 posts
Wood
I may not have an amazing salary, but my job does have really great benefits. First and foremost, we have free espresso and beer. I really hit the career jackpot in that respect. But the greatest benefit is that we get a break between Christmas and New Year’s. That’s right, a week’s vacation, free and clear.
I learned years ago to not expect some magical restoration during a...
A Conversation with Facebook
Facebook: Hey! Welcome back! Dude, I have a ton of updates for you.
Chris Riebschlager: Really? Great! What’s going on?
FB: Well, you know that girl you dated in college? The really cute, smart one that dumped you?
CR: Yes.
FB: Get this. She just got a new job. She’s some big-wig at a TV network. She has to be pulling down six figures, at LEAST. Check out these photos of her kids!...
I Have a Dream
My dream is that one day, I’ll show up to work and have one solitary email waiting for me in my inbox. The email will read as follows:
Good morning Chris,
I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to inform you that the management team has pinpointed a finite set of goals we would like to accomplish. We feel that these goals could be easily achieved by employing an online strategy....
I want to make awesome things.
That’s my new mission statement. Like it?
This time of year always gets me in the mood to make vague promises about how I’ll do things better in the coming year. So this is my vague guiding principle for 2010: Make awesome things.
What's the opposite of hoarding?
Have you seen the reality series Hoarders? Here’s how A&E describes it:
A&E’s Hoarders offers a look inside the lives of people whose inability to part with their belongings is so out of control that they are on the verge of a personal crisis.
So, I’m curious. Is there an official medical disorder that is the exact opposite of hoarding? If so, I definitely have it.
...
So, this happened.
5:30pm - Stopping by CVS for beer, because it has been one of those Mondays. I complete my beer transaction and turn to leave.
ME: (To CASHIER) Thanks!
[ VOICE ] Chris!
ME: Oh, hi (President of agency where I work)
HIM: Hi!
ME: So… [VERY LONG PAUSE] You… stopping off to buy stuff?
HIM: Yes.
ME: Welp. See you later!
[ CHRIS EXITS - END SCENE ]
So, now there is one more person...
Canines
In my house, I have two dogs and at least eight tennis balls. Strangely, the only tennis ball that matters to Dog #1 (Sophie) is the ball that’s in the possession of Dog #2 (Misha). It’s irrelevant to Sophie that there are seven perfectly good tennis balls scattered around the house. She must have Misha’s tennis ball. It’s as if the ball itself is less important than the...