The816

An inspirational message from your friends at Twenty20.

Fri, 18 May 2012 16:18:34 -0500

An inspirational message from your friends at Twenty20.

Boulevard Brewing Company Boulevard is one of my favorite...

Thu, 17 May 2012 08:53:47 -0500

Boulevard Brewing Company

Boulevard is one of my favorite success stories and this video makes me really thirsty.

Hump Day Self-Esteem Boost

Wed, 16 May 2012 12:36:38 -0500

If you’re like me, you sometimes feel unattractive, unsuccessful and just generally insecure. When I’m feeling down in the dumps, I like to look at pictures on the internet that make me think, “Oh! Life could be so much worse!”

So thanks to The Pitch and all the attendees of Rockfest, I just got a great injection of esteem-building photographs. So check out The Pitch’s NSFW gallery of images of people who are probably having a day worse than yours.

Famous Missourians Who Didn't Make the Cut

Tue, 15 May 2012 07:58:00 -0500

Congrats, Rush! Let’s see what other famous Missourian’s you beat out for this year’s honor.

Jesse James (Thief, Murderer)
Kenneth Lay (Convicted of Securities Fraud)
Robert Berdella (Serial Killer)
Charles “Mad Dog” Gargotta (Enforcer, Kansas City Crime Family)
David Cook (American Idol Contestant)

These are some sketches created with a Mindwave and Processing....

Thu, 10 May 2012 20:17:00 -0500

These are some sketches created with a Mindwave and Processing. The lines are plotted based on my meditation and attention levels. If you’re curious, I was watching 30 Rock when these were made. Wanna see a movie of what it looks like as these are being drawn? Well here ya go.

Hey guys. I fixed up Tan Mom!

Thu, 10 May 2012 08:16:04 -0500

Hey guys. I fixed up Tan Mom!

Mind-controlled slot car

Wed, 09 May 2012 16:55:12 -0500

I have no complaints about my day job.

barkleymoonshot:

It’s a success!

Here’s Chris controlling a slot car with his brain:

The more relaxed he is, the faster the car goes.

Get ready for brain races! The next step is hooking up the second car. Stay tuned.

/alan

Whenever I feel bad about not working as hard as I probably...

Tue, 01 May 2012 13:38:30 -0500

Whenever I feel bad about not working as hard as I probably should, I just swing by Facebook and I feel a tiny bit better.

I use social media to do stupid things.

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 11:53:00 -0500

I use social media to do stupid things.

You know who I'm jealous of?

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 23:15:01 -0500

I’m jealous of people who have vision. Those insufferable assholes who can look at a blank canvas and know exactly what to draw. I’m envious of anyone who creates something out of nothing and makes it seem like it wasn’t a big deal.

I’m insanely jealous of people who are smart. When I’m struggling with A, B and C, they’ve already mastered X, Y and Z. There’s no catching up to smart people. They know much more than you and they’re polite enough not to brag about it. Fuckers.

The well-spoken and the quick-witted, I envy you both. You always know the right words to say. I always know the right words to say the day after they needed to be said.

I envy people who have the patience to edit their first draft instead of hitting “post” when they’re done typing. Here, let me demonstrate.

If you’re curious about the problems that plague the minds...

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 23:23:05 -0500

If you’re curious about the problems that plague the minds of mankind, look no further than Google’s autocomplete.

Hey guys! I’m so excited! The copy of Vanity Fair in my...

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 09:42:00 -0500

Hey guys! I’m so excited! The copy of Vanity Fair in my bathroom turns 2 today!!!

Facebook: A website I use to have public conversations with...

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:43:12 -0500

Facebook: A website I use to have public conversations with myself about my unavoidable mortality.

Twitter, I don’t understand you.

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 14:27:27 -0500

Twitter, I don’t understand you.

Upcoming "This American Life" Scandals

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 16:00:29 -0500

That’s not Sarah Vowell’s real voice.
Ira Glass has perfect vision. He wears glasses just to look smart.
Supporter pledge dollars were used to buy Toby Keith concert tickets
Shalom Auslander isn’t actually Jewish
Torey Malatia doesn’t actually say the funny things Ira Glass says he says at the end of each show.

New Password Guidelines

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 10:06:56 -0500

IT DEPARTMENT MEMO

All new passwords must be between 6 and 12 characters long and include at least one number and one special character. By special character, we mean “&” or “#” or any character that you feel is inherently better than the other characters.

In addition, new passwords must contain the name of your favorite band, unless your favorite band is Maroon 5. Even though that would satisfy both the number and band name requirement, Maroon 5 is just awful.

The preceding rule also applies to Blink 182.

Starting May 1st, passwords must be reset every sixty days or any time a black cat crosses your path. If you break a mirror, consult the IT department immediately.

Refrain from using the names of your children in your password. We’re all sick of hearing about them and no one but you cares about what they said at breakfast this morning. Susan in accounting, this mostly applies to you.

Finally, if you forget your password, please provide answers to these security questions so that we can verify your identity.

What was the house number of your father’s mistress?
How did your first pet die?
How many people have you slept with?
Which season of The Simpsons was clearly the best?

Merry Christmas from The816!

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 12:40:00 -0600

Merry Christmas from The816!

Hey Ketel One, I Made You Some New Banner Ads

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 15:18:45 -0600

I found this prototype out in the wild. It’s a great ad.

So I was inspired to create some new ads for you. They’re 100% free. Feel free to use them to sell your top-notch vodka.

I can’t get any work done with the incessant Mardis Gras...

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 08:23:56 -0600

I can’t get any work done with the incessant Mardis Gras parades outside my window.

9 Exercises I Just Made Up

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 11:08:54 -0600

Calf Blasters
Lithuanian Squat Thrusts
Inverted Bear Rolls
Toe Crunches
Inappropriate Advances (Overhand Grip)
Seated Lunges
Metaphorical Jumping Jacks
Tongue Extensions
Beef Pulls