The816

9 Exercises I Just Made Up

Chris asks “What’s the worst that could happen?” And if the answer isn’t, “You’ll be eaten by bears” then he will do that thing.
Chris will provide effective business solutions that leverage consumer insights and then he will then eat some tacos and take a nap.
Chris is committed to the ongoing development of business relationships that result in free beer.
Chris will do his best to stay awake while you’re talking.
Chris’ mission is to Google other company’s mission statements and then copy and paste the best parts of each that create the best solution for your unique business challenges.
Chris is the Midwest’s largest provider of awesomeness and it committed to being awesome at all times.

Less than ten concert posters: I really enjoy this band.
More than ten concert posters: I am in this band.
Anne Geddes poster of a baby dressed as a flower: I have ten more posters like this in my very pink bedroom.
Star Wars Action Figures: Uh, no idiot. Those are Star Trek action figures. I don’t even think I want to fix your computer now.
Liquor Bottles: I’ve reached a comfortable place with my alcoholism.
Successories Motivational Poster: I am completely unqualified to lead people.
Simpsons Figurines: I think the series peaked with season 8 but I think seasons 12 and 15 had some highlights and I would like to talk about them at length.

Promise to buy a Dodge Ram and watch the Daily Show without commercial interruption.
Eat Doritos to skip Doritos commercials.
Listen to a 30-minute lecture about Outback Steakhouse and never see an ad again as long as you live.
Sacrifice a goat to Geico and watch any episode of Community.
Name your firstborn “Taco Bell” for a one-year free subscription to Hulu Plus.

I don’t really get the joke but I want other people to think that I am smart enough to get the joke.
I instinctually “like” anything with a cat in it.
This person is obviously having a bad day, this is my way of helping!
Accidentally hit the star icon, meant to hit the un-follow icon.
I just want to feel something. Anything.
I guess I’m just not tired of Sarah Palin jokes yet.
It took a lot of courage to make that your profile picture.

Apple can delete any Abba MP3s at any time for any reason.
Apple reserves the right to report all listening data to your mother.
Legally, you can only use iTunes on Thursdays.
iTunes Genius may make disparaging remarks about your poor taste.
Apple does not have to refund the cost of Creed albums you purchased while drunk.

People are starting to recognize me on the street and say things like, “Why are you laying on the street?”
Many local bars stopped charging me for ice.
My self-esteem has reached levels I haven’t experienced since puberty.
The city decided to change the name of Avenida Cesar E Chavez to Chris M Riebschlager Avenue.
Googling my name now shows more results for my blog, fewer results for “lewd conduct conviction.”
I’m once again allowed inside the Ward Parkway Target store, on a trial basis.
Food just seems to taste better now.